I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
