Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You're like the curious george of whores
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
