this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
