i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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