You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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