you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
