David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
