i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
