don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
