im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
