i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
