just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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