if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
