My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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