the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
should my penis look like a turkey
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
