I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
