I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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