The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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