I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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