Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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