I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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