so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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