it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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