Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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