I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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