They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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