Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
