I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
