I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
