physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
