You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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