in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my shit smells like andre
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
