just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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