69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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