i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
