Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
