margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
