would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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