so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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