summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
