It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
