i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
