ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The uberlube is also flammable
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
