why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
