Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
