you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
They have beer where we have blood.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
