Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
