Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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