Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
