3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
