her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
