So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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