rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
3 2 1 whiskey
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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